Toys
by elenathehun
Summary: As the Exile travels through the Unknown Region searching for Revan, strange, unwelcome feelings develop... UPDATE 3, where the Sith threat is found, and found wanting...
1. Chapter 1

**I'm a sick little puppy – and now everybody is going to know it!**

_swswswswswsw_

By the fifty-third day on the Ebon Hawk, the Exile was sick and tired of the company – or rather, the lack of company. The Unknown Regions were not exactly known for scintillating conversation, that was for sure, and it wasn't for the first time that the Exile cursed Revan for being suck a hermit and hiding out in the most boring place imaginable.

Fifty-three _days_ of wandering around the Ebon Hawk trying to make repairs and failing miserable. Fifty-three days of attempting to talk to T3-M4 – emphasis on the 'attempt'. Fifty-three days of controlling HK-47's homicidal instincts. At this point, the Exile would kill for some decent company…

Uh-oh. Speak of the Sith and you see his tattoos...

"Supplication: Please, Master, let me destroy the annoying utility droid!"

The exile sighs and raises a hand. "Haven't we gone over this before? No, HK, you can't destroy T3."

The assassin droid simply ignored her and began listing all the hundred and one reasons to destroy the utility droid. The Exile felt a migraine headache starting at her temples, and she glared at the droid causing it. Sometimes, she'd really like to…

Then she thought about what she'd _really_ like to do. She thought about _that_ for a very long time.

"Confused Query: Master, why are you looking at me like that?"

The Exile just jerked to awareness with a disgusted look on her face, and stomped off to the cockpit, muttering something about how she needed to meet some _real_ people. HK was insulted.

After all, he considered himself to be _much_ better than the inferior _meatbags_ Master surrounded herself with.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ah…mindless transition!**

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Thankfully for the Exile, they found the Revan the very next day. It wasn't like it was hard – after all, only _Revan_ would completely rape and pillage a _planet_ while trying to hide from the rest of the galaxy.

"I can't believe it," the Exile said disgustedly. "This is what that idiot's been doing over the last four years? Digging holes?"

"Perhaps the withered female meatbag was wrong, and Old Master is trying to open a silver mine, not hunt Sith," HK suggested helpfully. T3 blatted rudely as the Exile looked at the assassin droid disbelievingly.

"Was that…sarcasm, HK?"

"Condescending statement: Yes, master, what else _would_ it be?"

"Oh, shut up. Your stupid protocols are going haywire again; you forgot to state your tone beforehand."

The HK droid remains silent, although T3 hoots a victory call half a dozen times.

"T3, keep that up and I won't stop him from slagging you," the Exile says mildly. The whistling abruptly stops, and the Exile grins.

"OK, guys, let's head out. I want to find Revan as quickly as possible and get off this crummy piece of waste, like, _yesterday_."

Brimming with renewed confidence that she would indeed find Revan, kick Sith rear, and then get off 'This Crummy Piece of Waste', the Exile led the way down the _Ebon_ _Hawk_'s boarding ramp.

Unfortunately, she was confronted by a madwoman on the way down.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Sith threat is found, and found wanting.**

_swswswswswswsw_

_Her name was Darth Gidona, the Maimed, and she was a terrible Lord of the Sith. Whole planets had fallen to her wrath, and her power knew no bounds. The shrieks of the dying were as music to her, and-_

"Yeah, yeah, terrible hallelujah, sea of blood, I got it," the Exile interrupted. "Force, you guys use the same lines all the time. Can't you add a little variety into the whole thing?"

The madwoman just glared at her emptily from her scarred and ravaged face, her mechanical limbs flexing before her monologue began again. "My name is Darth Gidona…"

The Exile just tuned her out and gestured to HK. Midway through "my power knows no bounds", a clean shot took her head off.

"Wow. That was even easier than usual," the Exile observed.

"Agreement: Yes, Master, the killing of the Sith threat was indeed easier than usual, although that might have something to do with my excellent shooting skills.

Question: Where is Old Master? I refuse to believe that this pathetic idiot of a Sith threat was what challenged him for four years."

"That's a good question, HK," the Exile said absentmindedly as her eyes scanned the horizon. "Yeah, Revan could take this chick like a rancor crunches meat. I've no idea why he left her for us."

Shrugging, she turned back to the droid. "Well, I don't see or feel anybody else on this planet, Sith assassins or otherwise. If Revan doesn't appear in three hours for pick-up, he can _walk_ his own way home."

The droids were very upset with that, but the restraining bolts she'd had Czerka installed into them cleared that up _real_ quick.

_swswswswswswswswsw_

_Three hours later…_

"Well, he's not here. Time to go!" And with that, the Exile closed up the ramp of the Ebon Hawk, unwittingly leaving a gazillion invisible Sith assassins behind.

"So, HK, how do you think the others are doing back home?" the Exile asked as she settled in for the interminable fifty-three day trip back to the Known Region.

"Statement: There is an 87 probability that they have killed each other in a surprising example of internecine warfare."

"_Wonderful_…"

And in the smuggling hold of the Ebon Hawk, an ex-Dark Lord of the Sith settled down to wait.

**Tambrey: This fast enough for ya? winks**

**VaguelyFamiliar: Yeah, I know. I keep trying to catch 'em, but they always slip by... Good to see that the pairing isn't squicking you, though.**


End file.
